I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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