I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
