Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
