he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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