It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was confusing and full of hummus
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bring me that man meat
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
