Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
