Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
