the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
