he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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