Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
