Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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