If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
