I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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