i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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