I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
