i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
