her facebook's as public as her vagina
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
