I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
