dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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