need another drink. this is the easiest way
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
