i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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