dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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