How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
