I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
