Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
