I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
