cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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