my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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