peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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