so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize