Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
