did you get engaged???
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
