I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
