i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
