Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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