I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
