Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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