I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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