dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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