I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
