He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
