and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
