I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
