Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
