I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
