I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
