i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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