I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
