I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He did a backflip because drugs
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