That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
