Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
