I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
