Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
