i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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