We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
