update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
