do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
