Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
