can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
