so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
