Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
