ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
