i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
