Swine flu is the new snow day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
