I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
