Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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