i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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