Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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