He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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