This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
