8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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