I bet he comes in French.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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