Taylor Swift is so right about you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
